He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Drake has all the answers
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
