he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
