He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
