im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
