i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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