The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
