Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
