Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
