I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
