Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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