maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
