Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
