girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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