Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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