It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
