I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
