Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
