I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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