her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
