Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
