so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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