ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
