I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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