i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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