I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
