My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
