his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
