i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize