White coat. Heels.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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