sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize