Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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