the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
