the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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