We're like a lot better than the average bears
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
