Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i came on her dog
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
