theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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