Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize