this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
