I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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