so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
