I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
