Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Sorry about my life...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
