Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
