I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
