i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
