This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
