Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
