no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
