I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
We smell like vodka and hangover
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