i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
