He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize