I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
