So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
