Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
