Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
