he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How drunk are you?
Completed.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
