Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
