I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
