my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
