If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
