Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize