just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
