Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
