Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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