I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
