I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
They are going to name an STD after you.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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