6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
