All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
