that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
