i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
