So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
