i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
