That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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