the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
