If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I checked into jail on foursquare
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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