dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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