I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
