around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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