Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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