She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
