So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
