I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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