hell yes lets make some ravioli
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
