Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
