It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
