Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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