Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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