I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
