ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
