If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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