Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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